.not very good.

i am just too comfort living in my cosy 5 room flat at clementi. i have everything that i need within my reach. i have love from my family and support from my friends. i do not face much financial difficulties. i have the privilege of using water and electricity. i have never felt hunger before. to me, this is not something i should be proud of or happy for. there is a quote that says you will learn to appreciate things only after you have lost them once. i have to agree with it. i have been living a far too comfortable life that makes me not a better person. people are becoming more materialistic and superficial. where has all the emotions been to? is the surface the only thing we can look at now? i feel sad for myself.

i have lost many things in life before. i have to admit that i have neglected my family a lot for the past few years. yes, yes, busy with studies. to put it in another manner, it is simply i am too busy for you or i have no time at all. rubbish!!! they are just excuses to push all the blame away. why am i such a horrible girl? i told myself after the As, i ought to spend more time with them. that's why i am busy baking with my mum these few days. yeah!!! i dont want to lose any of them anymore. i want to spend more time with them to build stronger bonds. i have experienced a loss before and there was another close attempt recently. it was my first time i felt devastated and loss. please, dont make me experience the same feelings again. i just want all the 5 of us to be happy and together.

i have made a lot of friends along the way. bad weather friends, true friends and hi-bye friends. i was chatting with my friends on christmas eve and i realised how long we have known each other unknowingly. next year will be my 10th year knowing jiefang. this year is my 8th year knowing xiaoyi. kns is 4-years-old. oh my!!!! it is amazing how our friendship goes on despite us being at different parts of singapore. i truly appreciate their efforts to keep the friendship going. let's go people!

a few people had entered my life and left a scar. the wound is healing. just leave me alone. dont bother me with anything anymore. i dont wish to be associated with them. i have learnt my lesson. as it says once bitten twice shy. i dont know if i am being over sensitive here but my instinct just tells me something isnt right. i should just remain a safe distant from them. i very much want to go back to the same old times but it's hard. i dont know why. it is difficult to explain. just forget it and move on.

i realised another thing! we all have a personal obstacle. i have found mine but i do not know how to overcome it. i dont even know what causes it? it's in me for a very long time since primary school. i guess i have to seek the solution myself. maybe someday, an ingenius idea will strike me and the obstacle will be gone. haha. i am just day dreaming. =)

christmas is just over and i did not receive any presents from santa. serves me right. karen has not been a good girl for the past year. i have been a mean and nasty person to the people around me. i have not been an obedient daughter. i have not been a hardworking and attentive student. i have not been a great friend. i shall learn to be nice. hope everyone had received their presents and belated merry christmas greetings from me!

"everyone can succeed but only a few will succeed"